12 Weeks and 4 Days -- Our Little Kickboxer

Today I had two separate doctor visits within a few hours of each other. My first was at my OB's office and I just had to do some paperwork and get a swab culture. Nothing crazy. My doctor wasn't aware, though, that my cerclage was going to be placed and since he was a bit a against me getting one (because he is so sure that it was solely the infection last time) he was a little upset. He's worried about the risks of the procedure itself, but in all honesty I trust the specialist's experience over his in this area. The risks of waiting and seeing if there will be any changes to my cervix are much more worrying to me than the slight possibility of infection during the procedure (which is his main concern). The good news is that my Perinatologist is going to call him today or tomorrow and have a lengthy discussion with my OB about why he is suggesting this to be done.

Right after that appointment I went to my Peri. for my weigh-in, ultrasound, NT defect screening and blood screening. Our little tummy tenant was kicking up a storm! I couldn't believe how feisty this little bugger was being. The heartbeat was around 158 or so but I don't remember exactly. My mom and I got to see this perfect little nose and mouth, tiny little feet and long skinny legs, swallowing movements, hands jabbing, and lots of stretching!

The NT stands for Nuchal Translucency, or Neural Tube, and the screening is to detect chromosomal abnormalities and other issues. My specialist wanted to have this done prior to the cerclage just in case there is anything unusual with the baby, but no matter what this were to show I will be carrying this baby. The NT screening is done on the nape of the neck and came back that baby was in the "upper end of normal, so that's good!" The blood test will tell me in a week or so the rest of the results. So far everything looks great though! At first I wasn't sure that I really needed the test because like I said, I will love this baby no matter what, but later on I understood the reasoning for them wanting to know more about this little one's health.

Here is some of the kicking that we caught on video:

Some legs and arms (and a face peek at 0:43):

A face and some feeties <3:

My cerclage is going to be done next Friday at the same hospital that I was supposed to deliver Evelyn in, and the hospital I first went to when I was in labor (before being transported). Please wish us luck <3.

12 Weeks and Interesting Signs

I was a little too close to the camera for my week 12 picture. Oops!

Symptoms: I'm very sleepy most of the day but thankfully my nausea only happens after I've eaten a LOT throughout the day and I go to lay down for bed. I've started to get the round ligament pains this week though. I've had a few sneezes that doubled me over but after a few deep breaths they go away. On the upside I've been able to actually COOK this week! I haven't cooked in months because of the smells and nausea but finally I've been able to get back to some of the things that I love :).

My husband has been one proud daddy and every day it shows more and more. When I picked him up from his trip he gave me a kiss and immediately went down on his knee to give the baby kisses. He also likes to reach out and touch my belly whenever and wherever. When we went food shopping I think he made a point to get belly rubs about 3 times. It warms my heart to see the smile return to his face after all that we've been through <3.

This brings me to something else that has been on my mind. I'm not a religious person by any means, but I do believe that my baby girl has given me many, MANY signs since she passed. I could literally go on for days about them. I also believe that in some way she has been watching over us and her little sibling. In January I posted in a private Facebook support group about a dream that I had and I felt she was in it:

"Still nothing and so far 3 negative tests... I set up an OB/GYN appt. for Feb. 5th in case nothing shows up by then though!

Last week I had a strange dream and heard a little girl giggling (I assumed it was my girl..) and then saw a man's face and he looked at me and said, "Happy birthday." It literally scared me awake and now I'm freaking out becauss my birthday is 4 days after the appt. I was given. Ahh it'd be amazing if that happened! I wanted to share the dream in case it came true lol!

January 13 at 10:26am"

I got the impression from my dream that the man I saw was my OB, and that I would be pregnant for my birthday. Sure enough, I was in this exact position and told, "Congratulations, and happy belated birthday! Mine was the 7th!" a week after my first appointment. My logical mind can't wrap around a lot of things like this too easily but I fully feel that Evelyn let me in on our little gift early. Another interesting thing is that she lived for 1 month and 8 days... And I got my first positive test 1 month and 8 days after our wedding. Also, my due date with Evelyn was August 19th (2012), and this little one's due date is October 19th, and for both of them my weeks start(ed) on Sundays. It brings a tear to my eye to know that they are connected in these ways.

Tomorrow is my next ultrasound to check on our little bundle. I'll be posting pictures and hopefully videos later that day :).

Weeks 10 and 11

This past two weeks has been filled with some physical ups and downs, but I can safely say that this is the best that I've felt in weeks.

Double digits now! My week 10 belly:

My 10th week was spent with some seriously intense sciatic pains that went all the way down my left leg, which surprised me but I felt it coming on over the weeks. I have had some aches and pains this pregnancy but that really took the breath out of me. Thankfully after it escalated it suddenly, almost overnight, in the middle of my 10th week went almost completely away.

The nice part of that week was my appetite finally came back and it hit HARD. Poor Dylan is a little shocked by this. He bought me a small carrot cake slice and turned his head for just a few seconds only to turn back and find me licking the wrapper, and he just asked, "Where did you put that?!?" haha! And if he's eating I end up looking at him like a hungry puppy looking for scraps. At least the nausea has gone down a whole lot!

My week 11 belly taken on Sunday:

So far symptom-wise my 11th week seems to be my best. VERY little nausea, a little more energy, but when I get tired it hits me like a mac truck haha. Walking in the grocery store wore me out quite a bit today. I was taking fish oil vitamins before and for the first few months of this pregnancy, and I felt they were adding to the nausea. I decided to try and see if the vitamins were the culprit, so last week I stopped taking them (for now) and I'm feeling much better. I might try a new brand and see if that helps :).

This week I feel like I've "popped out" a bit more than in the past weeks. This picture was taken at 6:00am before any food or drink, and it's looking much more round. I had to drive Dylan to go on a trip for work for a week and I've been a little bummed out that he is not here for the next few days. I didn't realize how vulnerable I would feel without him, and the worry that if anything happened to him it would be just me and the baby, or if anything happened to the baby he would be across the state. That's probably a normal pregnancy worry to have. The good thing is that he's been so sweet with my belly and got down on one knee outside of his job to give it kisses before he drove off for work, and the first thing I saw this morning was a text from him saying "baby kisses". He is my rock and a very proud daddy <3.

On our way to the second trimester!

First Perinatal Visit

My mother and I went to my first appointment with my Perinatologist today. The place is so comfortable and the lights are nice and dim, and the ultrasound room is huge! We also have the future option to buy a DVD of our ultrasounds so when baby gets bigger I'd love to buy one. The nice part about today was the U/S tech. let us take a video of our own of the baby so that Dylan can get to see (since he works on the days that I have to go).

Today I'm measuring 9 weeks and 4 days and baby's got a strong heartbeat and is growing so fast. We captured some wiggling on our video and my heart melts every time I watch it!

My ultrasound showed that the "blood pockets" that were there last week are much smaller and disappearing as expected. The cyst that is on my ovary though is a bit more complicated than the one they thought it was originally at my OB. Not too concerning though and it will hopefully also dissipate over time.

When my Perinatologist came in I was surprised at how nice and relaxed our talk was. He is very up-to-date on everything I asked him (trust me, there were a LOT of questions) and he shared a lot about his experiences. Anyone who can successfully and repeatedly preform surgeries on little babies inside of the womb (as well as many other things) has my respect. We sat and talked very openly for literally about 45 minutes to an hour and covered every base.

When it came to my history I was actually not too surprised to find out that what I was told last week was not exactly as black and white and I thought. I know that there is a "which came first, chicken or the egg" theory that surrounds the infection/incompetent cervix problem in most cases. He told me that after looking at ALL of the factors that surrounded my preterm labor with Evelyn that I may have a true cervical problem (again, we are back to this). My OB now only went by what was written on my medical history when he told me it was only the infection. But the way this doctor brought everything to my attention made me feel so much more comfortable than the way my OB from 2012 told me what was wrong, so I'm grateful for that.

We went over the plan of action for doing a cerclage if I would prefer to do it early rather than once there is a problem, then we went over that I would be given weekly Progesterone shots to prevent preterm labor starting at about 16 weeks, and then I will be delivering via planned c-section at most likely 37 weeks after the baby's lungs are fully developed. I will also be having frequent ultrasounds throughout the pregnancy to make sure that everything continues to go well, so that means lots of opportunities to see baby :).

In 3 weeks I have another ultrasound to make sure baby is healthy in all areas and then another consultation about where we are and what to expect for April 18th when I'm scheduled for my cervical cerclage. I am so nervous about going to the same hospital that I originally went into when I was in labor with Evelyn and having the surgery done but I know that everything will go well. He even reassured me that in his experience with doing preventative cerclages that he has almost never had a bad outcome after the procedure. I'll be crossing my fingers from now until then that I won't break his record!!

9 Weeks and Doppler

I was going to wait until my Perinatal appointment on Thursday to do a new post, but I forgot I was going to upload baby's heartbeat from last week, so I figured I'd break the new post up into two parts. I might forget to add all of this anyway and I don't want it to be too long :).

My belly on Sunday:

Here is the video that I made of baby's heartbeat on Wednesday of last week when I was 8 weeks and 1 day, but I measured 2 days ahead so he/she should be 8+3 during this video. It took a little while for the doppler to match the beat but once it caught on it kept rising up and up. You can clearly hear it now in the video, and even though I said I wouldn't I did another really quick peek today with the doppler and found him/her loud and clear within 5 seconds. It's amazing what a little time can do!

My 9th week has been pretty hard on me with the sudden onset of really, really bad "morning" sickness. Right after my ultrasound and lunch I didn't feel so good but later on in the evening I got sick for the very first, and second time. Not fun! I ended up sleeping on the couch downstairs munching on Saltines and sipping cold milk until things finally calmed down. The sick feeling lasted for 2 more days but thankfully things feel much better now. I'll tell you what though, grapes and BBQ wings might be ruined for me for a while haha!

Only two more days until my next viewing of our little tummy tenant :).

8 Weeks, First Ultrasound and Some Answers

My belly has been pretty bloated again this week, probably from food haha. Taken at 8 weeks:

I could not be happier today! My mother and I went in for my dating ultrasound and we finally got to see our little gummy bear. He/She measured at 8 weeks and 4 days, so two days ahead of schedule (just like I expected!) and was actually wiggling around. He/She was also upside down just like their big sister was in her 10 week 4 day ultrasound :'). I got to see 5 little fingers and little tiny feet, and of course there is still a little "tail". Everything looked absolutely perfect with a strong heartbeat of 168 BPM. The only thing on my ultrasound that was something to note was that I have two very small "blood pockets" in my uterus ("hemorrhages" sound much scarier than it really is) but they are fairly common and they will dissolve on their own soon enough.

Here is baby's very first picture. I just about cried when I saw the screen wiggle at me!

I will be taking it easy on using my doppler because I have a feeling I may have been using it too often or too hard and that could be why I have the irritated areas, but even if it's just me worrying, I know everything is going well and I don't need to hear it so often this early. I have a video that I took from yesterday and it was clear as a bell, but I will upload it at another time :).

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Another bit of information that really impacted me today was learning the actual reason for my preterm labor with Evelyn. My last OB/GYN was absolutely terrible in my opinion. She didn't listen to any concerns that I had and she gave me very vague answers without ever actually looking at my history. She wasn't even the doctor who delivered my girl. This is pretty upsetting for me.. But when I told her that Evelyn passed away, without missing a beat she told me, "All women who have cervical incompetence pretty much have to lose their first baby before anything can be done about it." That was not even the cause of her passing in any way, and it was not even determined by this doctor that this was what caused my labor. This was the closest she ever got to telling me what happened and I will never get over her reaction to what happened to us.

Now skip forward to today at my new OB's office. I fully believe that I am in GREAT care. He had my records in his hands as I asked him if I could just go ahead and get the cervical cerclage at 16 weeks to prevent losing this baby if, in fact, I had a weak cervix. He told me that that was NOT the reason for why I had Evelyn early. My records showed that I actually had an infection of the amniotic fluid called "Chorioamnionitis". This infection would have been the cause of my dilation, my water breaking, and my high fever and other symptoms. There would be no reason to risk having the cerclage done if this was the cause, although I will still need to have LOTS of Perinatologist appointments to be sure.

In a way I am so, so relieved that this is the answer I've been begging to know. It still hurts to know that there was no way to avoid what happened, but at least I have some answers now. I will continue to have high hopes that this baby will be born healthy and right on schedule. Keep growing in there little gummy bear <3.

7 Weeks and Heartbeat!

This is my 7th week of pregnancy. My nausea has reached an all-time high so far and nearly every second of the day I'm "on the verge" which is my least favorite symptom to deal with. I never had too much nausea with Evelyn, but I did feel sick by the scents of many things and had to keep my head out of a window most of the time to deal with it. This time around I'm even sick by watching cooking programs or fast food commercials haha. I've found that eating frequently (every hour or so), drinking ginger/cardamom/cinnamon tea, and eating mints, sour foods (pickles or banana peppers :P) and Saltines really helps, as best as they all can anyway. It will get better with time but for now I'll take it as a sign that baby is well.

Compared to my 7th week with Evelyn I am sticking out quite a bit more this time around. I have just one more week until my first ultrasound and my weigh-in to truly know how things have progressed in the last few weeks.

Yesterday though, at 7 weeks and 1 day I tried my home doppler for the 5th time or so and to my surprise I actually found baby! Now, I've used this doppler for the past 2 weeks to get familiar with my own heartbeat, how the machine works, what my arteries and bladder sound like, and to know the difference between uterine sounds and stomach/digestive sounds. It doesn't always match up right away to whatever beat it's on, unless you press down and hold it in one spot it will need a few seconds to get it right. So when I found this small "wooshing pocket" in the center of my belly, low down by my pelvis, I was confused at first!

My own heartbeat is pretty loud and baby is only the size of an average blueberry at this time (imagine, if baby is a blueberry, how incredibly tiny baby's heart is right now). Underneath my heartbeat and within the wooshing (which I assume could be the amniotic sac?) there is a very quick but faint "wom wom wom wom". If you watch the numbers, my heartbeat goes down to 100 BMP and below on the reader and the little heart in the upper left will flash slow and steady. You can also hear it louder than everything else at times on top of the other sounds (wom... wom... wom... wom...). When baby is being detected, that little heart flashes very fast and the number goes up to 130~145+ BPM. All other numbers are me inadvertently dancing around baby haha. Keep in mind that ANY time I take a deep breath I almost always lose baby for a brief period, they're so tiny that I have to search for a very long time to get just the right angle or else I'll miss it completely!

This was taken today at 7 weeks and 2 days. Check it out, it's pretty awesome!